did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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