Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
