so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize