I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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