i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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