he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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