My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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