Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
