He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
