Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
