It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
