so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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