Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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