My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
