someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
