I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
