You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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