Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
