The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
