Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
