I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize