First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
