MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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