"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
