I showed him my bush... on skype.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
