I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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