maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
