If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
