my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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