You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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