I puked a lego.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
