I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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