Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize