I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
