I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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