Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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