just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
