It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
