it's like iHOP with fire
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
