Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize