Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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