my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize