I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
