I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
