she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
foreskin is a definite game changer
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
