I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
