Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
