doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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