Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
