Betty ford says i'm here all night
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
