we have pet lesbian snakes
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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