how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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