I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
