Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
