so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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