we have pet lesbian snakes
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize