go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
