If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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