How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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