Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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