There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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