Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We have started to decorate penises.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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