I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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