Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
