if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
