It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
True college students do jello shots in the library
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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