I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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