Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
