don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
