Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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