God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
