Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
