Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
