we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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