i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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