Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
