we have pet lesbian snakes
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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